Quotes on Humorous

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

It is time to stop personal destruction and prying into private lives

$100,000 donors buy access to Congress and the White House. We believe it's long past time to clean up Washington.

Comedy is to force us to observe ourselves in ways that are humorous and yet, at the end of the day, that cause us enough discomfort with the status quo to make a change.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little.

It was the experience of mystery - even if mixed with fear - that engendered religion.

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.