Quotes on Humorous

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it.

In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.

To advertisers: "Do not compete with your agency in the creative area. Why keep a dog and bark yourself?"

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.

McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.