Quotes on Witty

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

A good ad should be like a good sermon: It must not only comfort the afflicted, it also must afflict the comfortable.

Luck is the residue of design.

I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.

The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.

School is where you go between when your parents can't take you and industry can't take you.

Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.

While we are postponing, life speeds by.

No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I appreciate my my sleep In sleep my conversation is witty My home is dusted My office work is up to date The dog is even well behaved And food is on the table on time But then when I'm asleep I don't have you to clutter and confuse My hungry heart

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.