Quotes on Witty

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

I didn't like parties.I didn't know how to dance and people frightened me, especially people at parties. They attempted to be sexy and gay and witty and although they hoped they were good at it, they weren 't. They were bad at it. Their trying so hard only made it worse.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.

An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex.

The only real laughter comes from despair.