Welfare is monetary methadone..

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference o….

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But th….

I'd never hurt another person..

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life..

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it d….

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a chal….

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do..

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'.

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a gr….

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not..

There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christ….

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody..

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it..

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly n….

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and thi….

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff..

The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice betwe….

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss ….

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave..

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average..