I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other..

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know w….

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it d….

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy..

I'd never hurt another person..

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I….

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a chal….

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference o….

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that..

Life is just the time between crapping yourself..

The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice betwe….

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13..

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're gettin….

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody..

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show..

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not..

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world..

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary..

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars..

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds..

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that..