Occupation: Comedian Birth: May 27, 1964
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it..
I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time..
I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind..
I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world..
A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a gr….
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by do….
Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pi….
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13..
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff..
If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not..
Life is just the time between crapping yourself..
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insu….
If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're gettin….
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do..
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life..
I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary..
It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing..
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it..
I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody..
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings..
The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing..