People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on..

I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex..

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in o….

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But th….

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story..

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average..

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Deligh….

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care..

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you o….

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'.

Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!.

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss ….

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way..

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader..

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much..

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff..

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart..

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm j….

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other..

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor..

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars..