Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible..

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful..

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women..

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart..

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'.

I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with t….

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor..

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year beca….

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick..

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays..

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs..

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you..

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it..

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time..

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss ….

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave..

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!.

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on..

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average..

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But th….

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by do….