MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was be….

ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisd….

What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself..

PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in ….

An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws..

It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better..

RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it..

REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a wa….

PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity i….

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party..

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity..

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep..

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret..

The ghost is the outward and visible signs of an inward fear..

REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next..

MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent..

A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable..

ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him gui….

If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they..

moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency..

EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that….