War: A by-product of the arts of peace..

Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B..

SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks..

OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground..

TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer..

Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity..

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown..

Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb..

ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it..

Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies..

Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this lif….

WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most m….

A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction..

EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of o….

NOVEL, n. A short story padded..

ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice..

LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill ….

REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion..

CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible..

ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography..

ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear..