Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?.

My act now is completely different. I took two years off when I first got with my wife and it was because my old act was all about "Where's the party….

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them..

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes p….

First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife..

I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone..

If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all..

I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience..

When you're on the road, it gets a bit crazy. I've been on the road for about two weeks, and squeezed about 11 shows into 14 days. It's funny, travel….

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it..

We all shared this experience. We all had one brain, we were one giant organism working and having joy. "What about Walken?" Sorry, bro...Maybe I sho….

There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, "Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out ther….

As far as in my career, I don't know what other form there is. I would love to do a talk show..

My radio show, I'd show up, I'd read the data, and I would have sound bites and stuff like that..

I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, "I don't know." It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD. Owning your own content is the sin….

What's great about stand-up unlike athletes and other things when you get old you get old and rusty..

George Carlin put it best. He said, "My old act was so easy to do because there was so little of me in it.".

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once..

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day..

True Yankees are born, not made..

I don't have the ability to do a nine-to-five nor do I have the desire to. Stand-up is the only thing that's come completely naturally to me..