If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh..

The apocalypse is coming, that's the one thing I like about George Bush, I really think he can get us into the ... apocalypse, like the BIBLICAL ... ….

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there..

But for the most part, for the majority of a stand-up audience, you better have new stuff they've not heard. And if you put an album out, just consid….

I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see..

As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions..

There is a part of my generation that is not on social media because they have happy lives and they're not trying to connect with anybody. And there ….

I like to write, I like to do stand-up, I like to act..

If you actually do cold readings, it's very close to how people actually talk, because you're experiencing these thoughts anew every moment, and tryi….

Wars are usually really popular with people that aren't gonna be affected by them. 'Cause it's just entertainment, and it's just weird, like, "Well, ….

Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous..

MySpace is somehow more welcoming than Facebook. And Twittering, I just... Ugh. I like having radio silence. I think radio silence is an important pa….

When you put an album out, you can't do any material from the album if people are paying to see you..

There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me….

Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up….

I grew up in such a featureless, personality-less suburb. There was nothing to push against..

As you get older, as a comedian, and keep doing it, what you actually start to cherish on stage is not the build-up to the jokes, but how comfortable….

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe..

All the truly great stand-ups say, "I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work." To me, in the end, the s….

I'm always trying out new stuff onstage. That's where I do all my writing..