I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory an….

I know how my body operates differently from what it did when it was 30 and when it was 20. As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my….

As much as I know people love the method and what you can draw out of yourself, a lot of acting is very imaginative..

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins..

I grew up in such a featureless, personality-less suburb. There was nothing to push against..

Everything we have today that's cool comes from someone wanting more of something they loved in the past. Action figures, videogames, superhero movie….

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe..

What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who….

I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do..

I can't say that I ever abided nerd stereotypes: I was never alone or felt outcast..

It wasn't until I went to college and met different people from different areas of life - and then went to San Francisco and met people who really kn….

Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term..

All the truly great stand-ups say, "I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work." To me, in the end, the s….

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide ….

Now we live in this DVD, iTunes, Hulu age, and show creators and networks are realizing that and letting shows develop on those terms rather than 'We….

This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and le….

There is a part of my generation that is not on social media because they have happy lives and they're not trying to connect with anybody. And there ….

But for the most part, for the majority of a stand-up audience, you better have new stuff they've not heard. And if you put an album out, just consid….

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not..

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself..