I, my own damn self, am not a Tea Party supporter. I disagree with them on social liberties, our overseas wars, Obama's birthplace, Sarah Palin, and ….

I came to magic absolutely hating magic on a very, very deep level..

I get along so much better with fundamentalist Christians than I do with wishy-washy liberals, who want everyone to get along..

Counterintuitive action makes a fellow feel smart..

The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, 'There go our civil rights.' I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said th….

Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty..

Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality..

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'.

One of the things that Teller and I are obsessed with, one of the reasons that we're in magic, is the difference between fantasy and reality..

There never was a God. 'God is dead' is a halfway measure I won't go with..

The secret truth of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is that it isn't very hard... 'Celebrity Apprentice' is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic,….

The cliche of the nerdy kid who doesn't go outside and just plays games is completely untrue. And it's also true for the nerdy kid who studies comic ….

Once you have somebody that is telling you, 'We are interpreting God for you,' it seems like you either agree or you don't. You either say, like Mart….

There are two things that have been true throughout history in big hunks. You can find differences in ten years, but in 50 year hunks, 100 years hunk….

I'm really happy with all the art that was inspired by religion, and I think I'd be tickled to little tiny pieces if art in the future was inspired b….

If I go out to dinner with you and you order wine, I leave. I won't be around drugs and alcohol at all..

God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.

Much better than the feeling of having things is the feeling of having earned things..

Comedy is taken care of by a free market..

Thou shalt not take anything on faith.

People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered, and if we're compassionate we'll help them, but you get no moral credit for forci….