I am full of admiration for the technologists who have developed all sorts of gadgets for the purpose of improving communications. However, I believe….

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested..

If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?.

In the days when the nation depended on agriculture for its wealth it made the Lord Chancellor sit on a woolsack to remind him where the wealth came ….

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open tha….

If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarin….

You managed not to get eaten then?.

Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?.

They're not mating are they?.

A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment..

If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort - provided you don't travel in some….

You have mosquitoes. I have the Press..

It's a vast waste of space..

I don't know how they're going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield..

Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses..

But we are not going to be able to survive on this limited planet if the population keeps on growing: there isn't going to be anything left..

What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer..

Do people trip over you?.

Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!.

Why don't you go and live in a hostel to save cash?.

In the end we must, I think, somehow conclude that they have as much right to this planet as we have..