Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters..

I still got my hair, I'm not fat..

My daughter's tricycle said "Some Assembly Required." It came in a jar..

Sex after one child shows down. After twins... ooh... I'll tell you what it is for us. I'll share it with you. Every three months. We don't plan it t….

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience..

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now..

You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me..

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way..

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out..

You know, a TV show is a slow build..

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character ove….

The fact that they let me in a movie with Gene Hackman has left me with no faith in show buisness..

For a sitcom sex scene, you get in bed and that's the end of the scene. It quick and it was fast, but it was foreign territory for me. Not for Bobby.….

The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing d….

I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sol….

I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over..

I had to be naked [in Vinyl], but I was almost more nervous about having to be drunk. The director wasn't going to yell, "Too big!," during the nude ….

That's the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man..

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a….

The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out..

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off..