When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary..

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!.

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!.

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!.

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!.

Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time..

Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner!.

Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!.

Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!.

Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner!.

Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!.

Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner!.

Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!.

Gandhi, who went to Wendy's and asked, "Where's the belief?" Never got a dinner!.

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!.

Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!.

Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!.

J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!.

George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there..

The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!.

Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner!.