Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!.

Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!.

Moshe Dayan, who donated his eye to CBS. Never got a dinner!.

If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!.

Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!.

Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!.

Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!.

Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!.

Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!.

John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!.

Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!.

Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!.

Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more - he just holds you up to the light!.

Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!.

Saint Christopher, who said, Where can I get a Frank Sinatra medal? Never got a dinner!.

Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner!.

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!.

Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!.

Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!.

Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner!.

Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!.