We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins..

All you have to do is think one happy thought, and you'll fly like me..

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer..

I love kids, but they are a tough audience..

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe..

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.'.

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alo….

Improv. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running..

As intellectual as we think we are, you still trip, we still have human foibles, sexuality, all the different things to still make you aware of your ….

[On creating] And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know th….

Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then..

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Di….

I got to ninth grade and there was wrestling, and I went, 'Wait a minute, this is fun.' Basically, it was a chance for a small kid like me to get a c….

Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better..

Directing requires great discipline, that ability to be in and out at the same time. The great ones I've worked with are like generals. It's a bit li….

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going….

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons..

What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino..

You know what music is? God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings,….

What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, ….

What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not..