The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.
Alice MillerRead
Children who are respected learn respect. Children who are cared for learn to care for those weaker than themselves. Children who are loved for what they are cannot learn intolerance. In an environment such as this, they will develop their own ideals, which can be nothing other than humane, since they grew out of the experience of love.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Respect, care, and love in upbringing foster humane values in children.
In this quote, Alice Miller emphasizes the importance of a nurturing environment in childhood development. When children are treated with respect, care, and love, they learn to extend those qualities to others, creating a foundation for empathy and humaneness. This perspective suggests that negative attitudes like intolerance cannot take root when children grow up in a loving and supportive atmosphere, ultimately leading them to develop their own compassionate ideals.
Themes
ChildrenRespectLoveEducationHumanity
In practice
Example use cases
This quote can be shared in a parenting workshop to emphasize the importance of positive parenting.
More from Alice Miller
All quotes →The truth about childhood, as many of us have had to endure it, is inconceivable, scandalous, painful. Not uncommonly, it is monstrous. Invariably, it is repressed. To be confronted with this truth all at once and to try to integrate it into our consciousness, however ardently we may wish it, is clearly impossible.
Alice MillerRead
We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.
Alice MillerRead
I have never known a patient to portray his parents more negatively than he actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively--because idealization of his parents was essential for his survival.
Alice MillerRead
It is not true that evil, destructiveness , and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to this production of evil.
Alice MillerRead
Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.
Alice MillerRead
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