The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.
Alice MillerRead
I have never known a patient to portray his parents more negatively than he actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively--because idealization of his parents was essential for his survival.
Interpretation
What this quote means
This quote emphasizes how individuals often idealize their parents in childhood as a coping mechanism for emotional survival.
Alice Miller highlights the psychological phenomenon where children tend to view their parents in an overly positive light to help them cope with the complexities of their upbringing. This idealization serves as a crucial emotional survival strategy, allowing individuals to reconcile their experiences with the need for parental approval and love, despite any personal grievances they may have.
Themes
ParentsIdealizationChildhoodSurvivalPsychology
In practice
Example use cases
In a therapy session, discussing the complexities of childhood and parental relationships.
More from Alice Miller
All quotes →The truth about childhood, as many of us have had to endure it, is inconceivable, scandalous, painful. Not uncommonly, it is monstrous. Invariably, it is repressed. To be confronted with this truth all at once and to try to integrate it into our consciousness, however ardently we may wish it, is clearly impossible.
Alice MillerRead
We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.
Alice MillerRead
It is not true that evil, destructiveness , and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to this production of evil.
Alice MillerRead
Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.
Alice MillerRead
If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends - you're safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue.
Alice MillerRead
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