The very ingredients that nurture love - mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other - are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire.
Esther PerelRead
It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become.
Interpretation
What this quote means
People often seek change not because they want to abandon their partners, but because they want to rediscover their true selves.
Esther Perel's quote reflects the complexity of relationships and personal identity. It suggests that individuals may feel the need to break away from their current partner not solely due to dissatisfaction with the relationship, but rather because they struggle with the person they have become in that dynamic. This exploration of personal growth and self-discovery within the context of relationships emphasizes the importance of individuality alongside togetherness.
Themes
ChangeIdentityRelationshipsSelf-DiscoveryGrowth
In practice
Example use cases
This quote can be used in a relationship seminar to illustrate the importance of personal growth.
More from Esther Perel
All quotes →Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.
Esther PerelRead
If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one day you will end up looking for another person in order to reconnect with those lost parts.
Esther PerelRead
What is the relationship between love and desire? How do they relate, and how do they conflict? ... Therein lies the mystery of eroticism.
Esther PerelRead
Eroticism thrives in the space between the self and the other.
Esther PerelRead
Most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day - the erotic mind is not very politically correct.
Esther PerelRead
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