Meditation is not a means of forgetting the ego; it is a method of using the ego to observe and tame its own manifestations.
While the primary function of formal Buddhist meditation is to create the possibility of the experience of "being," my work as a therapist has shown me that the demands of intimate life can be just as useful as meditation in moving people toward this capacity. Just as in formal meditation, intimate relationships teach us that the more we relate to each other as objects, the greater our disappointment. The trick, as in meditation, is to use this disappointment to change the way we relate.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Intimate relationships can help us become more aware of our capacity to 'be', similar to meditation.
This quote emphasizes the parallels between formal meditation and intimate relationships in fostering self-awareness and personal growth. It suggests that while meditation is traditionally viewed as a means to experience existence fully, the challenges and interactions in close relationships can also lead to profound insights and transformations. Both practices teach us about our tendencies to objectify others, and they encourage us to use moments of disappointment as opportunities for change in how we connect with one another.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
In a workshop on personal growth, this quote can be shared to highlight the importance of both meditation and relationships.
More from Mark Epstein
All quotes →Desire is a teacher: When we immerse ourselves in it without guilt, shame, or clinging, it can show us something special about our own minds that allows us to embrace life fully.
If aspects of the person remain undigested-cut off, denied, projected, rejected, indulged, or otherwise unassimilated-they become the points around which the core forces of greed, hatred and delusion attach themselves.
It is exceedingly difficult to maintain a sense of absence without turning that absence into some kind of presence
It’s one of my theories that when people give you advice, they’re really just talking to themselves in the past.
We are looking for a way to feel more real, but we do not realize that to feel more real we have to push ourselves further into the unknown.
Similar quotes
After telling the hard facts to anyone from lover to friend, I have changed in their eyes. Often it is awe or admiration, sometimes it is repulsion, once or twice it has been fury hurled directly at me for reasons I remain unsure of.
I am the drying meadow; you the unspoken apology; he is the fluctuating distance between mother and son; she is the first gesture that creates a quiet that is full enough to make the baby sleep. My genes, my love, are rubber bands and rope; make yourself a structure you can live inside. Amen.
Adults should not weep, I knew. They did not have mothers who would comfort them.
In elite, primarily white institutions, there are many blacks who have white wives. So much so that sometimes there is almost the assumption that I would be married to a white woman.
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
Was it all put into words, or did both understand that they had the same thing at heart and in their minds, so that there was no need to speak of it aloud, and better not to speak of it?