The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is to give the other side the illusion of control. Don't try to force your opponent to admit that you are right. Ask questions, that begin with 'How?' or 'What?' so your opponent uses mental energy to figure out the answer.
Interpretation
Gaining an advantage in negotiation involves allowing the opponent to feel in control while guiding the conversation.
In this quote, Christopher Voss emphasizes the importance of allowing the other party in a negotiation to feel empowered, which can lead to more productive discussions. By asking open-ended questions, you shift the cognitive burden onto them, allowing for a more favorable position for yourself without overt confrontation or pressure.
In practice
Using this quote in a business meeting to illustrate effective negotiation techniques.
When you expect to get into a negotiation, you expect to be faced by a guy that's going to attack you, a guy or gal that's going to attack or that they're going to try to get the best of you. Two-thirds of us, that makes us very defensive.
Price doesn't make deals, and salary doesn't control your career.
There are three kinds of yeses. There's commitment, confirmation, and counterfeit. People are most used to giving the counterfeit yes because they've been trapped by the confirmation yes so many times. So the way you master no is understanding what really happens when somebody says 'no.' When yes is commitment, no is protection.
The sweetest two words in any negotiation are actually, 'That's right.' Before you convince them to see what you're trying to accomplish, you have to say the things to them that will get them to say, 'That's right.'
Very few negotiations are begun and concluded in the same sitting. It's really rare. In fact, If you sit down and actually complete your negotiation in one sitting, you left stuff on the table.
The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in.
Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.
It's not the great stars that win; it's the great teams that win. It's the teams that subjugate their ego to the team and put the team first.
I'm going to try to unite all Americans.
The most significant barrier to female leadership is the actual lack of females in leadership. The best advice I can give to women is to go out and start something, ideally their own businesses. If you can't see a path for leadership within your own company, go blaze a trail of your own.
When Jim Irsay called me five years ago, he told me, 'I want you to be our coach and help us win the Super Bowl.' He told me, 'We are going win it the right way. We are going to win it with great guys; win it with class and dignity. We are going to win it in a way that will make Indianapolis proud.'
We need to move from the leader as hero, to the leader as host.
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