Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
Deborah TannenRead
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Interpretation
What this quote means
This quote reflects the complex emotions mothers experience in their relationships with their daughters.
Deborah Tannen explores the conflicting emotions that mothers often face in their relationship with their adult daughters. The love and admiration they hold for their daughters can be juxtaposed with a strong sense of responsibility for their well-being, leading to overwhelming feelings when their efforts to connect or assist are met with rejection or perceived criticism. This complexity reveals the intricate dynamics of maternal love and the challenges of nurturing relationships.
Themes
MotherhoodRelationshipsLoveConflictCommunication
In practice
Example use cases
During a mother's day speech, sharing this quote can help illustrate the challenges mothers face in supporting their daughters.
More from Deborah Tannen
All quotes →The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
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For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
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Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
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Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
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Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
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