For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Interpretation
Women often use conversation to build connections and maintain relationships.
Deborah Tannen's quote highlights the idea that for many women, conversation serves as a tool for creating rapport and fostering emotional connections. It suggests that women may prioritize relational dynamics in their communication style, using dialogue not just to convey information, but to nurture bonds and navigate interpersonal relationships.
In practice
In a workshop on effective communication, this quote can be used to illustrate how women may approach conversations differently.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
In America one drop of black ancestry makes you black. In Brazil, it's almost as if one drop of white ancestry makes you white.
While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our neighbors are so many.
Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk - real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.
Amputees suffer pains, cramps, itches in the leg that is no longer there. That is how she felt without him, feeling his presence where he no longer was.
If you cannot mould yourself entirely as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking?
Here's the thing: When you become brilliant at listening, people feel that you care about them. When they feel you care about them, they begin to care about you. And when people care about you, your success becomes a part of how they define their success.
Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.