Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Interpretation
The bond between mothers and daughters is complex, providing both comfort and challenges.
This quote by Deborah Tannen highlights the intricate nature of the relationship between mothers and daughters. It suggests that this connection is deeply rooted in both emotional support and conflict, showcasing an intensity that often surpasses other relationships. The communication between them, whether positive or negative, reflects the unique dynamics that define their interactions.
In practice
In a speech about the importance of family relationships.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
Just because somebody wants to be alone sometimes, it doesn't mean they don't love you.
I did not look for her, because I was afraid of dispelling the mystery we attach to people whom we know only casually.
It's kind of like those little electric bumper cars where you drive around and see if you can hit the other guy. That's exactly what the country is like now. You no longer have the sense of community. Of loyalty. It's lost its sense of group. It has nothing to do with leadership.
I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap.
I had been alone more than I could have been had I gone by myself.
It is because I had so much joy that I came to have so much hate.
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