The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
Interpretation
The double bind is a subtle but powerful communication dilemma that can trap individuals without them realizing it.
In this quote, Deborah Tannen highlights the complexity of the double bind, a situation where a person receives contradictory messages or demands, leading to confusion and distress. The comparison to a silenced gun emphasizes how these traps can be insidious and difficult to detect, causing harm without obvious signs.
In practice
In a workshop on communication, this quote could illustrate the complexities of interpersonal relationships.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific, values.
The major threats to our survival no longer stem from nature without but from our own human nature within. It is our carelessness, our hostilities, our selfishness and pride and willful ignorance that endanger the world.
You can cry about death and very properly so, your own as well as anybody else's. But it's inevitable, so you'd better grapple with it and cope and be aware that not only is it inevitable, but it has always been inevitable, if you see what I mean.
Societyβs future will depend on a continuous improvement program for the human character. And what will that future bring? I do not know, but it will be exciting.
Christianity is NOT a religion; it is the proclamation of the end of religion. Religion is a human activity dedicated to the job of reconciling God to humanity and humanity to itself. The Gospel, however - the Good News of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is the astonishing announcement that God has done the whole work of reconciliation without a scrap of human assistance. It is the bizarre proclamation that religion is over - period.
The power of population is indefinitely greater than the power in the earth to produce subsistence for man.
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