I've been to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's a tower, and it's leaning. You look at it, but nothing happens, so then you look for someplace to get a ….

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender..

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying..

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm no….

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright..

A race track is a place where windows clean people..

Do that which will make you happiest both now and in the future..

I'm certainly not going to put my life on hold for him..

Those we call the ancients were really new in everything..

Why would I endorse the hibachi grill when I am the hibachi grill?.

I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better..

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, th….

I didn't plan on rock-n-roll. I wanted to learn jazz; I got to know some people doing rock-n-roll with jazz, and I thought I could make some money pl….

Wasn't Winston Churchill the first black president of America? There's a statue of him near me... that's black..

Don't do nothing because you can't do everything. Do something!.

Do not be in a hurry to succeed. What would you have to live for afterwards? Better make the horizon your goal; it will always be ahead of you..

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence..

I actually love actors..

To understand yourself is the beginning of wisdom..

When we decide to do something, we do it quickly..