Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.

History, of course, is never real. People either glorify it or horrify it. Or at the very least color it..

We've got to change our regulatory system..

My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone..

Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread..

Phil Spector is probably a better date than Roman Polanski..

I'd love to work with Disney again..

Nobody has a franchise on what is good..

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet..

Truth cannot be imparted, it must be inflicted..

I don't live to work; I work to live..

Somebody referred to me as a ringleader, which I wouldn't have classed myself as, but anyway, there you go..

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in..

Percy yelled. "What's going- Gah! Shrimpzilla!.

The maimings of love are endlessly funny..

Because I loved myself, I was loved..

You're only as good as you are now - not as good as you were before..

Do not destroy what you cannot create..

They memorize everything and learn... nothing..

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?.

Everyone smiles in the same language..