We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it's legal to hunt humans with 15-round, ….

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange..

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?.

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community..

In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal, and so ill-bred, as audible laughter..

If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip.

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't..

Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution; this gives you a 1,000 percent Return on Energy!.

I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it..

Journalists belong in the gutter because that is where the ruling classes throw their guilty secrets..

Every experience in your life is being orchestrated to teach you something you need to know to move forward..

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence..

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul..

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance..

Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness..

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls..

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain..

If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he'll bleed red..

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea..

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families..