The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything..

It was a sobering experience..

It can't be any simpler: the farewell is going to be on the Champs-Elysees..

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg..

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig..

I don't use my body to seduce, no. I just stand there..

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything..

Just relax and breathe through your ass..

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success..

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames..

It's so funny how my name has always been such a big deal. When I was growing up, my family was always moving. I had to meet new people all the time.….

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles..

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial..

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies..

If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting..

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day..

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles..

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary..

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house..

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something..

Self awareness is NOT just a bunch of amino acids bumping together..