Half Man, Half Sit-Out-The-Season..

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them..

My father has a high opinion of his opinion.

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering un….

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself..

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself..

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead,….

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson..

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!".

I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself..

I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself..

Always telling the truth is no doubt better than always lying, although equally pathological..

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is ….

Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those Chinese people, the….