Did you ever think that making a speech on economy is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else..
If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie..
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad..
This woman did not fly to extremes; she lived there..
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'.
The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery..
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics..
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back..
On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women..
Take your risks now; as you become older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the tread….
It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext..
I still love her. But she's retarded, too..
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up..
I always say, the bigger the hair, the smaller the hips!.
I can't imagine going back to long hair. Cutting it was the greatest thing I ever did.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own..
When mice run, cats give chase..
Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three..
Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to take it off of you..
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car..