Melancholy men of all others are most witty, which causeth many times a divine ravishment, and a kinde of Enthusiasmus, which stirreth them up to bee….

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants..

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all..

If you want to be witty, say what you think at all times.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired..

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law..

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children..

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy..

He would make a lovely corpse..

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal..

Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the….

Unlike my subject will I frame my song, It shall be witty and it shan't be long..

A poet can survive everything but a misprint..

I know that you cannot hate other people without hating yourself..

I can resist everything except temptation..

I won't belong to a club that accepts me as a member.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you..

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night..

My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah.".

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?.