Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity..

Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes..

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?.

I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour..

Communism is like one big phone company..

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance..

Silence is argument carried out by other means..

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand..

Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law..

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized..

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best..

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of no….

The art of being agreeable frequently miscarries through the ambition which accompanies it. Wit, learning, wisdom,--what can more effectually conduce….

Never put a sock in a toaster..

Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is n….

Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself..

Before the Internet, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life..

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in..

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present.

Wit is educated insolence..

Well, well, perhaps I am a bit of a talker. A popular fellow such as I am -- my friends get round me -- we chaff, we sparkle, we tell witty stories -….