How do I speak Spanish? Not too well..

I've always liked older ladies. I'm comfortable with it. They seem to be nice. They've seen it all..

God gave me some weird, beautiful scent that makes men and women go crazy. People compare it to Carvel. It is a whale of a smell..

You know, when you don't go on TV and talk about how many women you sleep with, some people in Hollywood, that are supposedly 'in the know,' start wh….

Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy..

I don't want to run around with new people. I feel safer with my friends..

If it's something I feel I can do alright, I like being in those, and some that I think Rob Schneider and David Spade would be funnier at than me, I ….

Never seen my friends do more push-ups, trying to challenge Cruises' manhood. It was like, I can be strong, too!.

I wish I was a better athlete. That would have been a little cooler, being a great boxer and walking into a room and going: "I can knock everybody ou….

It's nice when little teams win..

The Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don't notice they're getti….

My buddies, we've always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out - that's the goal..

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that….

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights.

I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine..

I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Whe….

The fact that you can see a movie at home, it's great. You're making it for as many people to see it as possible. And that's nice..

I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father….

I don't know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can. I never was like that as a kid..

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest..

I mean, I look at my dad. He was twenty when he started having a family, and he was always the coolest dad. He did everything for his kids, and he ne….