Officials believe that one of the terrorists was a woman. And there are female suicide bombers. It's just that their reward in paradise is a little d….

I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country..

New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion..

Well, that's exactly the wrong attitude. That is not the attitude they had in World War II. You're attitude is that freedom means you can do whatever….

John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that h….

It takes the youth, really; they're the ones that should have the energy, it shouldn't be the old geezers, but the signs are very worrying. Half of t….

The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an affront to my liberty as an American to be a pi….

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap..

Why is monotheistic faith better than polytheistic? I mean, either you believe - if you believe in, like, a magic person who can do magic things, why….

To me, being brave is an element that is so important with stand-up comedy. It's not essential. There are many comics who were just funny, and that's….

As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don't want Sarah Palin to be president..

I don't think George Bush is a good president by any imagination, but when he said, 'If you're talking to Al-Quaeda, we want to know what it's about,….

To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as 'infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as 'Irish relat….

New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find out what's on the ins….

This country hates professors. It likes Toby Keith - 'I'm gonna put a boot in their ass.' If you don't do that, somehow you can't be strong..

Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it's not….

Newt Gingrich was campaigning at a zoo this week and he was bitten by a penguin. Newt Gingrich is always campaigning at zoos. Mitt Romney once did a ….

The food is out of this world!.

In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!.

It would be kind of a tragedy if we got to the end of four years of Democratic rule without having really tried any Democratic policies..

I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider. And Also FOX News makes people stupider..