I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing..

Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! ...Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough..

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made..

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery..

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do..

Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension..

You know what I like about summer days? They're just made for doing things... even if it's nothing. Especially if it's nothing..

When the cartoonist is trying to talk honestly and seriously about life, then I believe he has a responsibility to think beyond satisfying the market….

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life..

My problem is that I don't paint ambitiously. It's all catch and release - just tiny fish that aren't really worth the trouble to clean and cook..

Sleepwalking?" "Nightmare?" "Homicidal psycho jungle cat!.

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. ….

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes..

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do..

Reality continues to ruin my life..

Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be brib….

A box of new crayons! Now they’re all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they’ll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishab….

I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation..

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination..

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track..

Calvin: Trick or treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated ….