We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse..

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way..

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student..

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops..

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living.".

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate..

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!".

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby..

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!".

I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker..

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to..

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men..

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all..

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me..

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself..

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads..

In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Yo….

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick"..

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium..

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look..

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree..