Occupation: Comedian Birth: March 16, 1906 Death: February 24, 1998
If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?.
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man sa….
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried..
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle..
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house..
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say..
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!.
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?.
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected..
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop..
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!.
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet..
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!.
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to h….
I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today..
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving..
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food..
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in..
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?.
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!.
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!".