When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter.".

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon..

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone i….

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?.

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing..

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas..

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'.

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out..

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better..

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready..

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood..

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back..

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five..

A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washe….

A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!".

On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator..

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can..