When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading..

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The….

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it..

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to..

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!".

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement..

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything.".

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange..

Take my wife... Please!.

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs..

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just th….

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays..

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!".

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?".

The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner..

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny..

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please..

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face..

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!.

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed..