My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out..

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!".

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?".

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying..

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer..

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous..

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!".

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate..

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him..

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad..

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinne….

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week..

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face..

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places..

The more I think of you, the less I think of you..

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under..

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!.

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the….

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail..

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months..