This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest..

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk t….

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea..

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock..

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake..

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being..

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase..

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex..

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!".

Let's get up here before we get killed!.

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker..

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!".

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install….

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays..

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in….

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery..

She has a wash and wear bridal gown..

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?.

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill..

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry..

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!.