We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize..

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Yea….

USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA evidence clearing more people a….

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night….

America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to allow advertising in its chat rooms. I can see why: you got computer sex, you c….

The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems for them. Like players could s….

George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too….

Howard Dean is a politician, a medical doctor and a Democrat. So he has three reasons to tell women to take off their clothes now..

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology..

A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest and most effectiv….

Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan?.

I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went 'Booo! Booo!' an….

Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought the next time you'r….

Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuan….

U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer….

I'm going to be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me - NBC prime time..

Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden's death. They want to call it "Martyr's Sea." Please, hiding in your bed….

Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate..

If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else..

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet..

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star..