Some of you may be perfectly happy with mediocrity. Some of you will get nothing but heartbreak. Some of you will be heralded as geniuses and become ….

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid..

It's easy to maintain your integrity when no one is offering to buy it out..

It always astounds me that over the course of my career, and having lived in four comedy cities - New York, Boston, San Francisco, and Los Angeles - ….

I think most other comics are like, 'I'm going to do my fkin' act and that'll be that.' With me, it's like, 'What if I forget my jokes? What if I can….

Most of my comedy writing happens through improvisation on stage; doing it in the moment..

I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk ….

People who have babies tell me I will know a love that is beyond anything I can imagine, and a joy that is indescribable. Love and joy? That sounds h….

We live in a culture where people are self-centered and careerist and everybody seems to think they have too much on their plate or they just don't h….

When you're a kid, you always feel you have this weird kindred-spirit thing with other Jews, until you get older and you realize it's just middle-cla….

I have a very primitive sense that if I just turn on a radio or the television, that somebody's playing that stuff for me..

What appealed to me was the intimacy of the medium, the fact that I was doing it from my home, and the fact that I wanted to talk. I was not there to….

The worst thing about living in this world, in general, is that things get overwhelming, and things cause a tremendous amount of despair and anxiety..

I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'.

When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate..

I just wanted to be a good comic and had no sense of show business, but at some point you want the opportunity to write a show about your life..

I know that the podcast is typically something I can do forever, because it's mine; it's just me and my producer and business partner, so it's our bu….

Most of the comics that I talk to I've never talked to for more than ten minutes ever. So 95 percent of the time you're really hearing the first conv….

How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudg….

I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly e….

Dogs are too much to handle. I don't need anything in my house that's needier than me..