Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life..

In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily es….

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've s….

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it,….

You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the motion of the ocean, ….

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after ….

After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons ….

I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and ….

If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it..

Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones..

Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a great deal; but those of elegance a….

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves..

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed..

Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction..

The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction a….

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity..

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap..

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison..

Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity ….

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!.

There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people..