One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence..

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why..

You can take it as understood, That your luck changes only if it's good..

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker..

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers..

The oboe's a horn made of wood. I'd play you a tune if I could, But the reeds are a pain, And the fingering's insane. It's the ill wind that no o….

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits..

How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?.

Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it..

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor..

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk..

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them..

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up..

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different..

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick ….

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs..

If called by a panther, don't anther..

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine..

When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up..

When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food..

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window..