Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians..

I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything..

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is sti….

Mike had called me and said he could offer me less, and I said, "You're on!" Because I was really excited with what Mike Kelly was doing, and now wha….

Health care is too expensive, so the Clinton administration is putting a high-powered coporate lawyer - Hillary - in charge of making it cheaper. (Th….

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's ….

I'm here as a radio journalist but am not even sure which part of a tape recorder takes the pictures..

Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is..

Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink..

The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic Ci….

In the wake of Animal House, the stock briefly and quite wrongly shot up. So I love that movie..

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven't yet figured out how to go to the b….

One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the cap….

Crazy old people are our entire source of polling information..

The real alternative to power of the rich is not power of the poor. It's just plain power..

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges..

Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operat….

In the wake of Animal House, all of us at the Lampoon had a lot of Hollywood opportunities. We could definitely get people to return phone calls..

Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about..

West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their l….

There's nothing more oily and cynical in politics than telling the truth..